No Butts
by Knowing Grace
Summary: Our two favourite brothers, Danny and Jamie, are out on a stakeout together; what could possibly go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

**I don't even know...My mom and I somehow started talking about the chipmunks and suddenly...poof! I had about half of this story already wasting away on my hard drive and it was going to be a serious one and then this happened. I just finished typing this up so I hope I caught all o the mistakes, if not, I'm pretty good about going back and fixing them.**

**Surprisingly, I still don't own Blue Bloods. I don't even own a hair from Will Estes' head. **

**Anyways, I hope you all enjoy the hilarity that is about to ensue... :)**

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**No Butts**

**By Knowing Grace**

A sigh came from the person in the seat next to me and I forced myself to keep from screaming in frustration. Popping a sucker into my mouth, I picked up the binoculars and held them to my face, focusing all of my attention on the front door of the apartment. It had been four hours since I'd gotten this assignment and I was just about ready to start pulling my hair out by the roots. I did a quick scan of the street and the surrounding buildings just in case our perp was slinking around one of his neighbor's houses.

Nobody and nothing.

_Thump, thump, thumpity, thump, thump, thump, thump, thumpity, thump, thump—_

"Oh for the love of...will you stop that!" I cried, finally losing the battle with my patience and turning to glare at the young man beside me. His fingers were poised over the dashboard, ready to drum out another beat. He rolled his eyes at me and rubbed at his forehead as if he had a headache.

"Sorry, Danny, I'm just so bored."

"Yeah, well, Jamie, I told you to bring a book or something to amuse yourself with; it's your fault that you didn't listen to me." I replied hotly, wishing not for the first time that Jackie wasn't out sick with the flu.

"I will never know what possessed the boss to have you be my back up."

"Well, I don't know what he told you, but Sarge said that this would be a good experience for me if I ever want to become a detective." I eyed my little brother critically.

"You? A detective? Nah, I can't see that happening. You'd drive your prospective partner bananas in less than a week. Hell, I don't see how Renzulli's lasted so long having a rookie like you tagging along behind him. You're more annoying than the Chipmunks on acid!"

"Hey! I like Alvin and his friends!" My sibling said, frowning at me and I gave him a skeptical look.

"What are you, twelve?"

"Well, they were way better than that crap you used to watch. What was it...Power Rangers? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?"

"At least those shows had some action in them and not just singing hamsters with falsetto issues." Jamie shoved my shoulder.

"Aww, come on! You know you wish you could sound just like them; don't deny it! I remember hearing you play around with those helium balloons-"

"Oh, God, kill me now."

"-you were singing some stupid song by Madonna-"

"Erin dared me to do that!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"You remember, she was in that weird girly phase where everything had to be covered in sparkles and-"

"Humph!" He snorted.

"You're not going to believe a word I say, are you?" I asked, knowing what his answer would be before he said it.

"Nope!" He replied, popping the _p_.

"Well, fine, be that way."

"Thanks, I will."

"Jerk!"

"Old man."

"Infantile little bra-" Suddenly, he reached in front of me, effectively cutting off my insult, and pointed towards a spot a couple of yards down the road from the building we were staking out.

"Correct me if I am wrong, Kojak, but isn't that our guy?" I hastily looked through the binoculars again and saw a suspicious looking man in his early twenties making his way down the sidewalk and then up the steps to the front door of apartment 221B. I spat out my sucker and unbuckled my seat belt.

"Watson, I do believe you're right."

"Don't you mean: elementary, my dear Watson?"

"Whatever, it doesn't matter—and I'm not Kojak by the way. Do I look like I'm going bald?" He opened his mouth to say something and I cut him off.

"Don't answer that." He grinned at me and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Come on, little brother, we've got a perp to collar." I opened the door to my black sedan, slid out from behind the wheel and quietly shut the barrier behind me. Jamie followed suit and two seconds later, we were across the street and headed for the spot where the man had disappeared inside the building. When we reached the front door, both of us stepped to either side of it and looked at each other—service weapons drawn.

"You ready to catch the bad guy, Kid?" I whispered. He simply nodded and I took a deep breath. With one solid kick, I broke through the door and we slipped inside the darkened room.

"Police! Anton Fischer, come out with your hands up!" I yelled loud enough to wake the dead. There was a scuffling noise somewhere nearby and I heard the distinct sound of a bullet being jacked into the chamber right before the afternoon exploded into gunfire. I threw myself behind an ancient, ratty-looking couch just in time; bullets riddled the place where I had been standing only moments ago. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that my brother had taken cover behind a nearby recliner a little to my left. When the firing paused for a second, we both popped out of hiding and shot off a couple of rounds in the general direction of Fischer. I'd only moved a few more feet into the room when Anton opened up again and I was forced to go to ground under a glass topped coffee table. This was not one of my best choices for a hiding place for in the next instant, one of Fischer's bullets struck the table and the sheet of glass shattered—spraying me with tiny, sharp slivers. I threw a hand up over my eyes to shield them from the falling debris, but an instant later, I was once again searching the room for the perp's location. From my vantage point, I could just make out the toe of a badly scuffed sneaker poking out from around a doorway to what I could only guess was a bedroom. Once again, I lunged up and fired, aiming about a foot above the shoe. There was a low cursing and then Anton came completely out into the open, shooting wildly. I fired back, hearing a round strike something and come heading back in my direction with an angry whine. There was a grunt of pain from someone, but I was too focused on the task at hand to give it much thought.

Suddenly, the _pop, pop, pop_ of Jamie's glock filled the room and Fischer's body jerked before collapsing in a moaning heap on the carpet.

For the first time in about three minutes, I took a deep breath and clambered to my feet. Noting that the gun had fallen from the wanted man's hands, I holstered my weapon and in two steps was standing over him and assessing his injuries. He'd been hit twice: once in the upper right arm—obviously his gun arm—and again in the lower left leg. I rolled him over roughly onto his stomach and slapped a pair of cuffs on him. He cried out in pain.

"Can it, you big baby. You're not dying, you've only been winged—more's the pity. Hey, Kid, that was some nice shooting you did there." I said, not bothering to look away from Anton lest he decide to try and make a break for it—as unlikely as that was.

My brother didn't answer.

"Jamie?" I called again, my stomach suddenly tying itself in knots and a wave of uneasiness hit me. There was a soft whimper of pain from somewhere behind me and I whirled around. There on the floor was Jamie and he was lying in an ever growing pool of blood.

_Damn! Damn! Damn!_

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**Sorry about the cliffy, I should have the final part put up shortly. OH! Random note, but all of the Whovians should be proud of this gal whose never watched Dr. Who in her life. I got the answer to tonight's final Jeopardy question correct without half trying! Yippy! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**See! You survived! :D **

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_**Two Days Later...**_

I couldn't help the chuckle that slipped out of me when I looked at the miserable figure lying on the hospital bed.

"Shut up, Danny. S'not funny." Jamie mumbled, not even bothering to open his eyes and glare at me. His comment only made the situation ever funnier.

"Only you." I choked out, trying in vain to control my mirth.

"Danny..."

"I can't help it!"

"Daniel." I stopped mid laugh at the use of my full name and looked over at the spot where our father sat with one eyebrow raised in a gesture of warning. I slumped in the implement of torture that was disguised as a chair and let out a huff.

"Knock, knock." I turned to see Renzulli poking his head around the door.

"Heyyy, Sargeee!" Jamie slurred giving the man a wide grin as he stepped into the room. Tony smirked.

"Wow, Kid, you must be doped up pretty good there." He said and I snorted.

"Yup, he's chock full of all the good stuff." I said.

"I'm floatin' of cloudssss." My little brother murmured and—not for the last time—I wished that I had a tape recorder with me. This would be awesome blackmail material. I saw Renzulli turn his head slightly as he tried to hide the amused grin that was trying to spread across his face. When he finally was able to control himself, he cleared his throat and passed me a manila envelope that I hadn't realized he had been holding.

"Here you go, Reagan, the ballistics report that you asked for." I nodded my thanks and quickly tore open the envelope and pulled out the paper with the results. My smile died on my face.

"What the...?" I passed the document over to my father as I felt confusion overwhelm me. He studied the paper for a moment and then handed it back to Tony. He let out a laugh when he read its content.

"Well, Kid, it looks like your brother here was the one who put that bullet in your backside. Apparently, your ass makes an excellent target." He sniggered uncontrollably and I sat there gaping at him, then I turned to see what my brother thought of the news. His eyes were wide and he lifted his head off of the pillow about an inch.

"Danny, you shot me." He breathed, sounding more lucid than he had all morning. I raised my hands in surrender.

"Hey! It's not my fault the bullet ricocheted! Besides, how in the world did it end up in your butt? That's what I'd like to know."

"I was trying to find some cover, you idiot! It must have hit me when I was sliding behind that loveseat." He said, grumpily, glaring at me.

"Hey, don't look at me like that, I'm not about to kiss it better!" My father, who had been trying to keep it together finally let out a guffaw and the next minute everyone in the room, except for Jamie, was in hysterics.

"It's not funny!" He cried, dropping his head back onto the pillow, which made us all laugh harder. His position on the bed didn't really allow him any chance at dignity. He lay on his stomach with his bandaged hindquarters on display for all the world to see.

When the laughter died down to a few giggles, Tony muttered a quick get well soon and slipped from the room. Dad stood up, popping his back and stretching his arms over his head to get the kinks out of his body.

"Well, I think I'll head on back and get some rest. I'll be back in the morning to pick you up and bring you home." He said, leaning down and patting Jamie on the shoulder.

"What? But I don't-" He laid a long finger on my siblings lips, stopping the low o words.

"Jamison, no buts." Jamie groaned at the comment and Dad and I shared a smirk.

"You're coming home with me and that's final." He picked up his coat and with another fond look at the figure on the bed, he went out the door. Jamie moaned and rubbed his face with his left hand.

"I'm never gonna live this down am I?" He asked and I gave him an evil grin.

"Nope." I replied cheerfully, popping the _p_.

"Not in a million years."

~Finis

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**Aaaaand that's it! I hoped you enjoyed it; I was actually supposed to be working on my _Merlin_ fanfic, but this demanded my full attention. :) **


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